I never knew...

how it all looked from this angle. As a child, I didn't give a thought about how things were provided, where they came from, or who provided them. I just played along, went along and skipped along the path that was laid out for me. There wasn't really any analyzing, decision making, or nail biting about choices that would direct that path. At least from my end. If you showed me the "tapestry" of my life as a seven year old little girl, I would just say "that's nice" and run away to eat some more pop rocks.

As a parent, however, I am now realizing that the very path I skipped along was laid out in love by my mom and dad. Every brick that I stepped on had been prayerfully placed there...every fork in the road represented hours of discussion, supplication, and decision making on thier behalf.

I was holding Madeline tonight and just praying for her future...as always, feeling so helpless and wondering if I'm doing this whole mom thing right. It amazes me that I guess and second guess and pray and second pray, and she just goes about her day...not a thought going into the path that Greg and I are laying for her. And then there's those days that I don't second guess and I don't even first pray...and I wonder if I'm laying a crooked path for her?

It's like a needlepoint or cross-stitch, you know? From my end it looks so messy...and how can it possibly make a "big picture" for my daughter? Those days where I mess up a stitch and have to go over it again (is that how it works, cause that's how I'm imagining it) and I prick my finger and want to swear...and those days where I stitch flawlessly...all those days combined make a beautiful portrait on the other side...which is the side Maddie looks at. And says "that's nice"

What a huge, sometimes, daunting, responsibility this whole parenting thing is. I still can't believe that Madeline trusts me so blindly...and that God would love me enough to ENtrust me with his precious girl...